Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Nicolas Cage - Thoughts by Stacy


Nicolas Cage is the worst actor of all time. My friends and I have come to this conclusion after much research and gathering of data on this subject. What really went against his acting prowess was the movie City of Angels. In this delectable treat, he is an angel, cannot feel, and people can’t see him even when he is standing right over their shoulders. This results in him creeping on Meg Ryan and having the same blank slate of a face as he always does. This movie was supposed to be romantic. Instead I was frightened. I am afraid that he is watching me, all the time, even when I SLEEP. After some therapy I might get over my Nicolas Cage phobia.

Now let’s move on the Con Air. In this supreme cinematic picture, he had a sort of mullet going on and spoke like he had a brain tumor suppressing any intelligent thought he could have had at one time. His haircut alone was such a disaster that he should have been shunned from modern society, but the fact that his hairstyle is always changing is something to marvel at. I believe there should be a special scientific sector that only studies the evolutionary changes in his hair because of it’s amazing adaptability to be the most humiliating and ugly abomination possible.

Other than his hair dilemma, the movie The Wicker Man has him literally going around punching women in the face, and at one time karate kicking one with amazing accuracy, making me believe that he does this in his free time. Meanwhile, his face remains one of concentrated constipation that is his classic signature of mediocre acting. Then of course he has to yell random things in all of his movies which I am starting to think he improvises himself because he likes to raise his voice just for the sake of hearing himself louder than socially acceptable. Overall, I hope he can always make movies that go straight to DVD and provide entertainment through his failure.

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